Thursday, June 18, 2009

what it means to be a husband

So, lately I have been thinking about how I can be a better husband to my wife Megan, and what exactly it means to be a good husband. I haven't quite figured it out. The bible tells us to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. How on earth am I supposed to do that when I am super pissed off and mad at my wife? I am still trying to figure this all out. I know that in spite of my anger I need to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. I have been thinking even more about the homily that was given by Adam Neder (Professor of Theology at Whitworth University) at my wedding. Adam talked about how Jesus doesn't compromise. He doesn't settle for half ass, it's all or nothing. Adam related this to marriage. It's not about compromising it's about sacrificing for each other, laying down your pride and maybe even your life for your spouse. This is really hard to do. It's hard to sacrifice yourself for the sake of someone else, even if you love them dearly. We are selfish creatures, no offense, but especially men. We are prideful beings and we don't lay down our pride very well. We are worried more about sports, beer, sex, and food, than the well being of the ones we love. I know that is stereotypical and a bit of an exaggeration, but it is true to an extent. I don't know if I will ever figure this out (I am pretty sure I won't)! Don't get me wrong I love beer, sports, food, and sex, but my wife is more important on a whole different level. I am just trying to find out how to show her that she is that important, and love her so that she know that she is that important. I think my whole life and marriage will consist of me trying to figure out how to sacrifice for my wife and to love my wife as Christ loves the Church. I hope that any married males reading this would strive for the same things.

Andrew Esqueda


  1. I love how brutally honest you are in your assessment of selfishness. I continually deal with pride in marriage as well, and I am finding it goes in waves. Marriage will be a true revelation of pride....probably the rest of your life. Thanks for being honest in your assessment. We should chat soon.

  2. I enjoyed reading this! You are doing a great job as a husband. I obviously have some work to do as far as being a good wife goes. You are wonderful to be so honest! Thank you for caring for me and showing me love everyday!
    I Love you lots!

  3. Andrew,
    All a wife asks for is to listen to her and communicate. We are so prone to keep everything inside but as soon as any man realizes that a good wife has much insight and wisdom it is smoother sailing. I would leave out anything that I think is important to me to be a true and thoughtful husband for the sake of my wife. Grandma and I have made it this far for 54 years and you can to with god's grace and strength.

  4. Andrew,

    It is an exploration that is more of a journey than a destination. Just when I think I am being a good husband, I think of how much more Christ sacrificed for the church than I am ready to sacrifice for my wife or children. I once wrote that the faith journey is like wandering through the desert over sand dunes and feeling just as you get to the top that you have reached the end, only to discover (because of your increased maturity in faith) that there is yet another dune to climb on the other side. I think that like with all things, we strive throughout our lives to live up to the example of Christ and this applies in marriage as well. It is truly an exciting journey and very fulfilling.